Daily Show

Nathan Newman gives us the transcript.

On the bright side, I won my office pool. On the other hand, hearing that does make me feel like the government just took a shit on my chest (shit bleeped)...Of course, Haliburton has refused to disclose the value of the contract, but company spokesmen said, well we're going to do alright on this one.

[Cut to "senior correspondent" Steve Colbert]

Jon, keeping in mind that Haliburton was a major campaign contributor to the campaign and Dick Cheney was the former CEO, this move is extremely...I'm a bit of a stickler for language...if this word was a flavor, it would be a thick brown taste in the back of your throat, an acrid tang of decay, like you're rotting from the inside...I've tried appalling, shameful, reprehensible-- I've tried cramming words together, greed-ragicous, backstabtastick, and Christ-just-when-I-was-beginning-to-buy-their-line-of-crappical, but nothing quite captures it.