Bring on the Ketchup

Mess with Theresa Heinz, and she opens up her wallet:

Uh-oh, now they've done it. Critics of Teresa Heinz Kerry's unorthodox and outspoken views have the fabulously rich wife of Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry reaching for her $550 million can of whup-ass. Originally reserved to counter GOP sniping at her hubby, Heinz Kerry is now open to spending some of her ketchup fortune on a counterattack. "The assumption," says a friend, "was always that the attacks would be on him, not her." But now: "The attacks on her have exponentially increased the likelihood of her tapping the fortune." Heinz Kerry, previously married to ketchup heir Sen. John Heinz, who died in a plane crash, has been ridiculed by Republicans for recent statements promoting Botox treatments, prenuptial agreements, and feeding rabbits to kids. One critic compared her to egomaniac Donald Trump, calling Mrs. H.K. "the Teresa." If Republicans don't shut up, warns one of her friends, she'll give Kerry a war chest that would dwarf anything President Bush could collect. "It would be George Bush's worst nightmare," says the friend.