Mike's Salvage Station & Autobody Collision Repair, Faces Savage Lawsuit.
BELPRE, OHIO
Mike Weinerman, owner of "Mike Weinerman's Salvage Station" is perplexed by a recent lawsuit filed against him and his business by lawyers representing radio and television talk show host Michael Savage. Savage, whose other name is Michael Weiner, hosts a radio/television talk show called "Savage Nation", which airs on MSNBC. Mr. Savage is also the author of a book by the same name. Mr. Savage has taken offense to Mr. Weinerman's apparent disregard for his [Mr. Savage's] tender sensibilities.
"Who is this crank-case?" asked Mr. Weinerman. I'd never even heard of him until now, but he is convinced that I am a "grease monkey slut with a big cracked windshield". "What does that mean?" said Mr. Weinerman. Mr. Savage is also convinced that Mr. Weinerman is a "lesbian immigrant sewer nazi feminizing the American autobody repair business." "Well, what can ya do" remarked Mr. Weinerman, "the guy is clearly off his rocker panels. Someone's brake linings have worn thin, if ya know what I mean."
Savage accuses Mr. Weinerman of defaming his reputation by making a mockery of his show business trade names, "Mike Savage" and "Savage Nation". Savage's lawsuit seeks half a million dollars from the defendant for "deceptive trade practices" and "lost advertising contracts and business opportunities" due to Mr. Weinerman's reckless disregard for Mr. Savages celebrity and reputation.
According to Savage's lawyers, "Mike's Salvage Station" is an intentional attempt to profit from and defame Mr. Savage by capitalizing on Mr. Savage's celebrity and popularity while at the same time insinuating that he [Michael Savage] is in need of serious repair work. Or the equivalent of a collision damaged vehicle. "Wreckage, in need of serious repair" laughs Mr. Weinerman, "they may have point there." The suit also alleges that the name "Mike's Salvage Station" is intentionally, "confusingly similar" to "Mike's Savage Nation" and a clear attempt to damage Michael Savage's reputation and business interests by suggesting that both his book and the radio/television programs are, in the words of one source close to Mr. Savage, "just a bunch of junk. Fans of Mr. Savage's work may be confused by the similarities between Mr. Weinerman's business name and Mr. Savage's programs and begin to associate 'Savage Nation' with leaky radiators and flat tires and dented door panels, and even a dead battery" explained the source.
Mr. Weinerman wasn't impressed.
"I contacted Savage's legal representatives and told them that Mr. Weiner or Mr. Savage or whoever the hell he really is, was welcome to come out and see my place for himself. I'll show him around. Prove to him that I have no idea what on earth he's talking about and could care less about his savage silly assed car-radio talk show or his bigoted juvenile bleatings. But he apparently refused, claiming that I was attempting to lure him into my, '"little shop of crippled perversions"', and that I'd probably attempt to '"necklace"' him, '"just like they do in South Africa"'. I don't know what that means either, aside from a $15 dollar Casio watch, I don't even own any jewelry. The guy obviously has a leaky head gasket problem, or something worse."
When asked if he had ever watched or listened to Mr. Savage's program, Mr. Weinerman admitted, "yes, I've seen the show a couple of times since this ordeal began. The guy strikes me as someone who's misfiring on more than one cylinder, but I'd have to take a closer look. Other than that, the guy just looks like a hub-cap thief to me."
Mr. Savage could not be reached for comment.
warning: The above satirical material contains parodic and satirical ingredients. If taken literally, reader may become paranoid, disoriented, experience hallucinations of persecution, an irrational sense of self-righteous indignation, violent insanity, and other possible side effects . Do not operate a motor vehicle while under the influence of right wing talk radio.
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