Merkin Patriot Writes a Letter

To Jim Brady:

Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2006 15:53:49 -0800 (PST)
From: "Merkin Patriot"
Subject: PLEASE LET ME BLOG YOU
To: executive.editor@washingtonpost.com

DEAR MR BRADY

FIRST OF ALL CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR RECOVERY IT CAN TAKE MANY YEARS TO COME BACK FOR AN INJURY LIKE THAT SO IM HAPPY YOUR DOING OKAY AND EVEN THOUGH I VEMENTLY DISAGREE WITH YOUR STANCE ON GUN CONTROL I DONT BLAME YOU FOR THINKING FROM THE "LEFT" SIDE OF THE BRIAN SOMETIMES

I HEARD THAT YOU HAD A N OPENDING FOR A BLOG THAT WOULD CONTRACT THE TRASONOUS LEFT WING COMMIE BIASS YOU GUYS HAVE AT THE POST - SORRY FOR THE BLUNT LANGUANGE BUT FACTS ARE FASCT EVEN IF I HAVENT READ YOUR PAPER SINCE YOU MADE NIXON - ONE OF OUR MOST HORONABLE PRESIDENTS - STEP DOWN FOR WHAT HE DID IN WATERGATE SURE YOUR IDEA OF HORNABLE IS SOMEBODY LIKE BILL CLINTON BUT IF I MAY SPEAK IN YOUR TONGEU LET ME SAY WHAT THE FRENCH SAY: "LA VIE"

THEIRFORE TO GET BACK TO MY POINT I HUMBY OFFER MY SERVICES TO YOUR ONCE GREAT NEWSPAPER EVEN THOUGH I DONT HAVE A BLOG MY FINGER IS ON THE PULSE OF THE AMERICAN BODY POLITIC AND ITS BEATING TRUE BLUE RED WHITE AND BLUE IF YOU GET MY DIRFT

HERE ARE MY CONDITIONS

1. NOBODY GETS TO EDIT WHAT I WRITE. PEROID. THIS ISNT CUBA OR SOME OTHER COMMIE COUNTRY WHERE THEY TELL YOU HOW TOW RITE

2. YOU NEED TO PAY ME AND PAY ME GOOD (HEAR ME OUT) I BET YOU CAN AFFROD IT - I NEED MONEY TO FEED MY KIDS AND GET MY FIANCY OFF MY BACK ABOUT MY CURRENT LACK OF EMPLOYMENT YOU WOULD THINK SHED BE GREATFUL FOR MY TAKING HER OUT OF ONE OF THOSE EX-SOVITE QWERTYSTANS BUT I DIGREST - THE WAY I SEE IT SIX FIGURES SHOULD DO THE TRICK. IN DOLLARS OF COARSE.

3. YOU NEED TO BACK ME A HUNDERD PERCENT - I DONT WANT TO GET TOSSED UNDER A BUS LIKE SOME SOCIAL(IST) SECURITY RECIPEINT IN 2030 OR DEATH TAX VICTIM THE WAY BENDOMENITCH WAS - ITS HARD ENOUGH FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT HERE IN AMERICA - IM 100% AND 5000 MILES BEHIND OUR TROOPS (OKAY I BORRWED THAT BUT ADMITTING IT ISNT PLAGUERISM) WITHOUT DEALING WITH THE FEVER SWAPS OF THE LEFT

PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR DECISION AT YOUR EARLIETS CONVENIENCES

SINCERELY

A HUMBLE AMERICAN WHO GOES BY THE MONICA "MERKIN PATRIOT"

P.S. ILL GIVE YOU MY RAEL NAME WHEN ITS TIME TO SING THE PAPERS
P.P.S. PLEASE KEEP THIS CONFIDENTUAL
P.P.P.S. SERIOUSLY THOUGH - I NEED A JOB