It's The Onion, But...

Nothing enrages me more than "heartwarming" stories about "communities coming together" to have bake sales and benefit concerts to pay for some poor kid's medical treatment.

In a Gallup poll conducted this month, 72 percent of respondents agreed that even though the health care system had consistently screwed them over in the old days, at least they had known exactly where they stood. In addition, 65 percent said that while the most expensive illnesses were effectively a death sentence back then, there had been a certain peace of mind in knowing that if you ever got that sick, you would soon be gone and not have to worry about the hospital bills.

Furthermore, 89 percent of Americans confirmed they had taken some small solace in the fact that if they needed money for a life-saving operation, they could always tape a photocopied image of themselves to a collection jar, place it in a local supermarket checkout line, and hope for the best.